Bitter Divisions
by KathyBoPeep
Summary: How can we heal these bitter divisions? How can we overcome our mutual distrust? How can we heal these bitter divisions? How can we reconcile our differences? (Part Three of Haunting, Haunted, Haunts)
1. Chapter 1

_Here is part three of Haunting, Haunted, Haunts. It will be 5 chapters long._

 _How can we heal these bitter divisions?_

 _How can we overcome our mutual distrust?_

"Hey Dr. Torres, I know you said that you needed all these files copied by noon, but the toner in the copier just exploded and the paper jammed and I think I inhaled it." one of the orthopedic interns rushed into the office looking quite disheveled. The fear in her eyes along with the black cloud of what appeared be toner following her made the whole scene look like a Pigpen in a Peanuts comic strip. Callie tried her best to save face by biting the inside of her cheek.

"That's fine. I was planning ahead anyway. I don't need to have those back in the Records Room until Monday. Could you call a tech in and let everyone else know?" Callie reached into her desk and grabbed her spare container of baby wipes. She pulled a few out and handed them to the quivering intern. "I expect those finished and on my desk by Monday though. No excuses, go to the library if you have to."

The wide-eyed girl just nodded and walked out of the office and quickly as she'd arrived. Callie wheezed and finally released the guffaw that had been threatening to erupt during the whole interaction. She did empathize with the poor girl, especially since she knew that intern exams were coming up. But, if she couldn't handle a broken printer she definitely wasn't ready for exams or even boards. If only the "Torres Method" could work on office appliances.

She shut the drawer filled with various odds and ends and stood up. Now that she'd been interrupted, her desire to finish her paperwork was dissipating quickly. End of month financial statements and expense reports were not something she particularly enjoyed doing. Even so, they weren't due for a week so taking a break wasn't really hurting anyone. She checked her phone for the first time in a spell and smiled when she saw that she had a few messages waiting for her.

 _Sofia lost another tooth!_

Followed by:

 _Did you hear anything about the snowstorm?_

And lastly:

 _Look how big Harriet is!_

Callie smiled at the photo of the beautiful young child in the photo. She certainly had Jackson's eyes and April's smile. It was good to see that the couple were successfully co-parenting Harriet together with some semblance of normalcy. Honestly, Callie was a little envious; not like Arizona hadn't tried that route. It was kind of cute that she'd checked out the weather in Iowa too. That little detail did not go unnoticed.

She took a moment to think of the correct wording for her reply. She had kind of been walking on eggshells these past two months with Arizona. Ever since she'd stumbled out of the bar bathroom, Arizona's peach lip gloss still smeared on her face, Callie had been waiting for the metaphorical shoe to drop. Things were vulnerable and she did not want her impulsive nature to crush what could be the very last chance at a working, healthy relationship with her ex-wife.

Honestly, that was kind of how she'd been living her life since she'd left Seattle. It wasn't that bad things followed her wherever she went, except for they _totally_ did. She was a catalyst for poor choices and even poorer actions. Callie Torres could fill a powerpoint presentation (with transition effects!) with the bad decisions she'd made in her life. There really wasn't any other entity to blame. Even so, playing the blame game had done nothing but suck the happiness out of a good chunk of her life.

But, alas, as the winter approached, Callie's reservations about returning to the Pacific Northwest were running amok.

When she'd left Joe's bar two months ago, things were so up in the air. So, she'd stayed quiet and let her ex-wife make the first move in initiating contact again. Of course, they'd made brief nondescript plans for her return right before kissing like newlyweds in another bathroom, another bar, and another city.

So, when she'd woken the next morning with an emotional (and maybe beer related) hangover to an empty inbox and no calls, she had tried not to be disappointed. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. Although Julius Caesar might have had something else to say about that.

Callie finally figured out what to say back to the slew of unrelated messages in her inbox.

 _April and Jackson sure do make pretty babies. But, I thinks ours is prettier, as cheesy as that sounds. I hope that she will call later. I'm off at 7 but I'm going to try and sneak out of here early since the storm is supposed to start soon._

She waited for a beat and sat down on the corner of her desk, looking around at the nondescript office she was in. The walls were lined with hundreds of books - some from way before Callie was even born. The Board of the hospital had told her all about the history and legendary presences that had started out in that very office. There was nothing person in the room, sans a small smattering of photos on her desk. The furniture was outdated, as was the mahogany desk she insisted on keeping. Even after getting approval with the financial department to renovate the office, she still felt as if she was a guest. Maybe she'd never planned on staying in the first place. She had lived in homes in various places in the country but she'd only dropped her anchor in Seattle. Her roots were in Washington State, and even moving across the country couldn't change that.

Now even more distracted, Callie decided that the clinic was slow enough to leave for the day. She'd check in on the disheveled intern to make sure that she didn't look like a chimney sweep and maybe, just maybe, she'd let the crew take the night off. Besides, the first snowfall was supposed to happen tonight, and even though she was no longer an Orthopedic Attending, she was still a surgeon and could potentially be called in if they got short handed in the ER. It hadn't happened very often, but her first blizzard in Iowa had been -40 degrees and almost three feet of snow, so she didn't underestimate mother nature anymore.

While she waited for a response and time confirmation for Sofia's video chat, Callie gathered her things and locked her office. She walked past the copy room and saw the poor intern in fresh scrubs looking aimlessly at the unsightly yellow wall. The look of pure emotional turmoil pulled at her heart strings and she dipped her head into the room.

"Hey, well, I know you don't hear this much as interns -especially as Ortho interns in the Clinic - but you did well. I know that copiers are fucking fickle - it's almost a rite of passage here. You and the others can take off if you want, just make sure you lock up and stay safe." Callie used a soft maternal voice instead of the authoritative one she brandished while at work.

The girl looked up at her with teary eyes and nodded.

"Thank you, have a good weekend." she whispered and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her yellow scrubs.

They both winced when a black streak appeared on the scrubs as the girl began to cry again. Callie couldn't keep the laughter inside so she turned away and giggled quietly all the way down the hall. She also made a mental note to ask the board if the intern scrubs could be anything other than yellow. Admittedly, even if they were cheaper, they did make the staff look like confused little pencils running around.

With a quick breath to ready her for the chilly weather, Callie pulled on her gloves and bounced the door open with her hip. With quick, calculated steps she penguin walked through the parking lot. The cold nipped at her nose and she hurried to her car, shivering one last time as she plugged her phone in and turned the heat on. One last glance at the device showed she had no messages so she took off towards home.

* * *

Halfway through making stovetop popcorn (with extra butter) and dancing around in her underwear to Selena, Callie realized that she'd never heard back from Arizona about calling Sofia. There had been times in the past where they'd just had schedules too conflicting for a video call (or those three months where she was too depressed to face even her daughter) but these last eight weeks had been timely and planned pretty well. Especially since the sight of the cheerful blonde no longer made Callie sob for long periods of time.

But, she refused to bother anyone and also did not want to act as petulant as she truly wanted to. So, she sat on the bed with a bowl of popcorn larger than her head and a bottle of the walmart moscato she had a strange affinity for.

By 8:00pm she was a little woozy from the wine and a little grumpy from the amount of popcorn she'd consumed. Maybe Arizona had been called in and had forgotten. Maybe she'd suddenly decided to run away and not tell anyone. Oh, wait, that was Callie's thing to do.

As the snow continued to fall in large amount, Callie's mood fell with it. No longer entertained by the cheesy Christmas movie she'd started on Netflix, she'd briefly contemplated going out in the storm to Joe's. But cars, wine, and snow were generally a bad combination.

At 9:00 she was utterly defeated. So, Callie decided to wallow in her self-pity and run herself a bubble bath. Usually she didn't indulge in baths for two reasons: One, she really only liked soaking in the bathtub if someone was there to rub her shoulders, and the other reason was because the bath in the cabin ran a little on the small side and was only comfortable for about 45 minutes until her legs would go numb. Throw in the fact that it was almost 10 degrees out, and lingering in lukewarm water just wasn't too appealing.

So, she set her phone against the sink and started playing an old episode of FRIENDS. Halfway through the episode, her phone vibrated with a message, almost sending the device into the water. She tilted her head 90 degrees to read the preview and quickly grabbed for the hand towels that hung above her head. Before she could get her hands dry enough to swipe at the phone, Arizona's face appeared on the screen. With a chuckle, Callie answered the video call, double checking that the camera was only angled from her shoulders up.

A grumpy Sofia appeared on the screen with one watery eye open and a set of pajamas on.

"Hey baby!" Callie looked adoringly at her daughter.

"Hey Mami, I'm sorry we were late. I was at a birthday party and I was bad and didn't want to leave." the downtrodden child looked guiltily above the camera, not making eye contact.

"Oh no, Mija. What happened?" Callie tried to keep her tone even, even if the sight before her made her smile. This is probably exactly what she looked like every time her father scolded her as a child. Whatever was making her laugh at everyone's woes today was actually pretty funny.

"We were ice skating for Molly's birthday and I didn't want to stop so I lied to Mommy about losing my shoes. I already told her I was sorry." Sofia stuck her lip out and frowned.

"You lied? Sof, you know better."

"I know, Mama. I just didn't want to stop." she whined, a few tears streaming down her face. "I know I didn't use my words. Mommy already yelled at me and took my iPad. I have to use her phone to call you now."

"Okay, Mija, I won't yell at you anymore. I hope you didn't make Mommy wait a long time for you."

"I didn't! I'm going to go to bed." Sof frowned at her and looked off camera to who Callie assumed was Arizona. There were in hushed words and Sofia and stomped off, leaving Callie to watch her daughter disappear down the hallway. After a few seconds the scenery changed as Arizona's face appeared on the screen.

"Looks like Little Miss definitely inherited your attitude." she laughed, blue eyes sparkling.

"I won't disagree with that." Callie relaxed back into the tub, no longer concerned with the amount of modestly she'd had for Sofia.

"So, ice skating? When did she start that? I want to lecture her about the dangers of broken bones, but I feel like she's already heard enough today."

"She has. I almost let her get away with it. I know she loves to skate, but she's always hesitant to ask to go." Arizona said softly, her eyes twinkling in the low overhead light. Callie mused that she was probably sitting on the couch facing the hallway to keep an eye on their daughter. No matter what Callie had said, Arizona was a wonderful mother.

"Why?"

"Because I think she's scared that I will react poorly. I haven't quite mastered how to ice skate with only leg yet. I mean, I probably could after a few tries, but Sof doesn't like to see me hurting. She actually didn't even tell me about this party until Zola asked me if she could go last week."

"Oh, baby girl." Callie used the name she'd been calling her daughter since she'd met her the very first time. "She's so thoughtful. I see why you were torn."

They sat there quietly with matching content smiles. It was something that hadn't happened in a very long time. It was... _peaceful_.

"Are you in the bath?" Arizona laughed melodically. "That's really funny to me for some reason."

"Probably because you usually joined me."

"That's true, I did love our baths. Even when they tapered off after the crash. This counts as joining though!"

They both stared at each other, lost in memories of easier times. Arizona broke the silence and cleared her throat.

"I know it was kind of _our_ thing, but have you seen the new season of The Great British Baking Show?"

Oh _had_ she.

"Um yes. I'm seriously concerned with the judge's blood sugar levels. Why do they keep adding cane sugar to everything? Why do I feel like the surgical residents make better pies than some of those people!"

Arizona replied passionately and they conversed about the show for a bit. Callie watched her ex-wife putz around and clean up after dinner. It was oddly adorable to see her so comfortable. She'd set the phone on the counter and they talked while she did the dishes. They'd even cheered at each other, Callie with her empty bottle of cheap wine, and Arizona with a pale ale. After awhile, the conversation strayed and flowed between them without much effort. They'd spoken a few times since meeting at Joe's but, never this casually. For Callie, she was still apprehensive about opening herself back up and moving quickly. As they talked, she turned the phone on it's back and rose from the tub. Unfortunately, the front facing camera lined up perfectly with the bathroom light.

"Hey, the light up there is bright!" Arizona's voice screeched from the phone. "Can you at least move me a little?"

Feeling devious and pretty happy from their conversation, Callie turned the camera back on her, just low enough for the expanse of her collarbones and makeup free face to taunt Arizona.

Suddenly the tirade the blonde was on about retinal dangers stopped mid word. Callie smiled - her plan had worked.

"Ugh stop teasing me. You know my weakness is you fresh out of the bath. That's mean!" the blonde yelped from the phone. "I never thought I'd cave to a set of collarbones."

"I told you, Arizona. Bones are sexy!" Callie stood a little further back from the phone, revealing a little more of her clavicle and sternum. Too add fire to flame, she shook out her wet hair and pulled it over one shoulder.

"You're such a freakin' tease, Calliope Iphegenia Torres!"

"Teasing? This is teasing? You know I can't handle being full named by you!"

Suddenly, Callie flipped the camera to the back one and laughed as Arizona got a good, long view of her in the mirror, donning nothing but a white plush towel delicately wrapped around her damp body.

"Callie…"

"Now that, that would be the mean kind of teasing. I'm not _that_ bad. Am I?"

Before Arizona could respond, Callie winked into the mirror and ended the call. She quickly tapped out a goodnight message and went about her nightly routine. About 15 minutes later, Arizona texted back.

 _Sorry, texting back with one hand is rough. Talk to you soon. Xo_

Oh, Arizona Robbins was bad.

Really bad.

And Callie loved it.


	2. Chapter 2

_How can we heal these bitter divisions?_

 _How can we reconcile our differences?_

Callie swore out loud as she struggled to stay upright. With a few not-quite-graceful moves more suitable for a mosh pit than a parking lot, she finally righted her body and cursed herself for not telling someone to salt the lot before it got too late.

So, with a coffee still surprisingly still intact in one hand and her briefcase in the other, she slowly waddled to the door of the clinic. She got to the door and swore one more time once she realized that her keys were in her pocket. After an internal debate on which item was less important, Callie decided to set her briefcase on the icy ground.

After a few attempts and only a partial slosh of her coffee, Callie was soon stomping down the hallway to her office, slush falling slowly off of her briefcase. Once she got into her office, she shrugged her coat off and hung it over the chair in her office. Why she decided to come in during a week long snowstorm, she still didn't know.

All appointments had been cleared for the week due to inclement weather. But, the idea of a quiet office was kind of appealing. Even if there were no dislocated shoulders or torn ACLs roaming the halls and filling the rooms, it didn't mean she got to slack. Her contract was up in three weeks and she had been putting off talking to Grey Sloan until the very last minute. Miranda Bailey was terrifying, and as Chief of Surgery she was even more intimidating.

Not that Callie would ever say that out loud.

She opened up her junk drawer and pulled out a few starbursts, making sure there were no orange ones. She flipped her laptop open and began writing her official rejection of her contract extension. While she was horrible at public speaking, writing business-style passive aggressive letters was sort of a specialty. Something about using 8-letter words and long strings of passive prose just spoke to her on a spiritual level.

She put in her ear pods and flipped to the "90's Dance Party" station to pump her up.

A few hours later and she was finished and pretty satisfied with her official statement. She emailed it to her boss and looked down at her phone. It was 11am on a Wednesday, how busy could the Seattle hospital be? Well, soon she'd find out.

She left the office to grab another coffee from the machine in the hallway, pausing only to peek her head into the copy room to see if anyone else was here. With nothing left to distract her, Callie walked back into her office, locked the door, kicked off her shoes, and dialed the familiar number.

"Chief's Office."

"Bailey?" Callie sputtered like a school child. Not even three seconds into this call and she was tanking it.

"The one and only."

"Oh."

"O-kay, we're gonna have to do this the awkward way. To whom do I owe the pleasure of speaking to?" Bailey's voice was patronizing but Callie was so used to it, that it rolled right off of her.

"Oh, sorry, it's Callie. Torres. Callie Torres." she winced at how frightened she sounded.

"Oh, Torres! Did you need to speak to Robbins? Did something happen with I-"

"-No. Ah. Actually I needed to talk to you."

"Okay, well, if you're asking about how vajay-jays work again, I think google dot com could do better than -"

"I need a job." She really was doing a terrible job at this. "Sorry, uh, I've been managing a sports clinic in Iowa City and my contract's up in a few weeks…."

An awkward silence filled the call for a few seconds until the steady chirping of the Chief nearly broke the speaker on her phone. Callie recoiled and slammed the phone down. Even on the desk she could still hear Bailey's voice.

"DO YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST CALL US AND HAVE US MAKE ROOM FOR YOU. WE DON'T BEND TO YOUR WILL TORRES. IF YOU RECALL YOU QUIT HERE WITH A 36 HOUR NOTICE AND, AND, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK."

Shellshocked, Callie sat there for a few minutes until her phone vibrated on the desk. She looked at the message with wide eyes and chuckled a little bit.

 _I don't know what you said to Bailey but she is flipping SHIT in her office._

Alex's text message made her smile, she hadn't really talked to him in a few weeks. She texted him back some emojis and turned her phone over. When she felt the desk vibrate again she answered her phone without looking.

"-lo?"

"Torres, why is it that you know the exact date that your ex-boo thang chased off our Ortho attending. Did you two plan this!? I thought you lived in New York with whatever that wispy surgeons name was?" The Chief's voice was less angry than before.

"Uh, no. I don't know anything about that. I just decided that Iowa was just not for me." Callie offered. "And no, I haven't lived in New York for a while."

"You'll start on the First of February. Is that suitable for _you?_ Since you attendings don't seem to care how your Chief feels!"

"That would be wonderful, have HR fax me the paperwork and I'll get it back to you soon."

"Goodbye Torres. And off the record, if I may? It would be nice to see a friendly face around these parts."

With a large exhale, Callie breathed out the anxiety that had wracked her. She'd secured a job, even if it was a few months off. Maybe, just maybe she could work this out somehow. Suddenly exhausted both physically and mentally, Callie got up and curled up on the burnt sienna couch in the corner of her office.

What seemed like many hours later, although after a glance at her phone proved to be only three, Callie woke up to a familiar onslaught of messages.

 _Bailey told me you called but she won't tell me why. Is everything okay?_

 _Callie? Are you alive?_

 _Listen, I know we didn't talk about the conversation a few days ago but I didn't think we needed to. I'm really loving where this is going between us. We never got a chance to just date._

 _Okay? Are you really that busy? I thought you said you were going to be closed today?_

 _Callie please call me, I'm really worried._

Those, along with three missed calls actually made her smile. She'd spent so long convincing herself that no one cared that she'd left, that to see the opposite happen was endearing. Still warm and comfortable on the couch, Callie tapped the FaceTime icon on her phone, holding the device against the arm of the couch as she waited.

After a few rings a frazzled, yet adorable Arizona answered the phone. By the scenery behind her, Callie figured she was in the hospital Cafeteria.

"CALLIOPE. I WAS SO WORRIED!"

Callie winced at the blonde's volume, which had surely gotten the attention of a large portion of the busy room.

"Sorry, I was napping! I called Bailey and it was stressful, so I took a power nap!" Callie raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly. Surely any surgeon at Grey Sloan would understand.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I overreacted. Usually I'm the cool one, but damn Callie. I really thought you'd ghosted me."

"No, no! I promise I won't do that. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry if I scared you. I honestly didn't think you'd call me. I know our last phone conversation took a strange turn and I was letting you lead."

Arizona looked stunned for a moment and looked above the phone for a minute. After a second, Callie saw the hallway passing and quite enjoyed the ride-along to Arizona's office. When the view stabilized, she faced the wall with all her ex-wife's accolades and recognitions.

"I'm not good at this Callie. I've lost my game." Arizona flopped back into focus, this time sans her white coat. It was definitely a sight she had missed.

"Your game?" Callie questioned, snuggling further into the couch.

"Yes! I haven't messaged you because I don't have a game plan. I used to be so good, I used to be HOT! I've lost my touch!"

Callie frowned, "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know what to do back! You one upped me. I got so...unsettled by seeing you in a bathrobe that I lost my game. I'm stuck!"

Slowly, a smile spread across Callie's face.

"You're a doofus - a cute doofus. I can't believe that was your reason. I thought I scared you off."

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Not at all," Arizona started. "I was definitely not scared. I just may have said something brash that I would not normally have said. I blame it on the craft beer and the fact that you were wet and naked." She blew at a blonde strand that fell in her face.

"Well, it's refreshing to know that I'm not some repulsive bog demon. Your message actually made my heart flutter - as lame as it definitely motivated me." Callie admitted.

"To do what?" the familiar twinkle was back in Arizona's eye. She looked positively mischievous and ready to play this game they had started.

"To buy batteries for my sad, dead, vibrator."

Arizona's eyes went wide and she blushed. Callie inwardly chucked at how uncomfortable she looked.

Was it cruel?

Probably.

Was is ridiculously sexy?

Definitely.

"I didn't realize that you still had one that took batteries. Last I knew, you prefered to use gravity, silicone, and that leather harness that you just _had_ to have because it was holographic."

Callie's breath caught in her throat as the blonde in front of her winked and looked up over the phone. A hand covered the camera and mic as Arizona spoke to someone else. Well, Callie was competitive, stubborn, and really turned on. She set the phone on the table in front of her and used the stand on the back of her phone case to prop it up.

Callie turned to the coat rack and pulled off the gym clothes that hung there in case of emergencies. With patience and skilled movements, Callie peeled the white coat off of her body and turned to look at the phone. The shadow in the camera, was fluttering - signalling end of Arizona's conversation.

Quickly Callie turned back around and threw the coat on the couch. With deft fingers she started unbuttoning her blouse.

"Callie, I - oh!"

The change in pitch of Arizona's voice made Callie smile devilishly. She turned around the face the phone while her fingers continued down her shirt.

"Sorry, I decided that I was going to go downstairs to the gym but I didn't want to be rude and hang up. So, I thought I'd change in here. She eased the blouse down her shoulders and down past her waist, bobbing her head in a steady rhythm. Her eyes flicked up to the computer screen where Arizona sat, mouth open.

"Arizona? Do you need to go?" Callie bent over in a simple black bra and leaned into the camera.

The blonde open and closed her mouth a few times, looking pretty similar to a goldfish. The site alone sent a flush down Callie's body. Eventually, she picked the phone up and winked at Arizona.

"Goodbye Arizona. Try not to think of sweaty me lifting heavy things and grunting a lot!"

The only response she got was Arizona's eyelids fluttering as she rolled her eyes back.

Callie disconnected the call and finished changing. Her office was now plagued in darkness, making her sleeping once again. After some digging she found a pair of headphones and grabbed her badge. The only way to work off this sexual tension was to break a sweat at the hospital gym.

Maybe she'd stop at the store later and pick up more wine and...perhaps more batteries.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for leavin' my fics for so long. I'm going to try and update them soon! Thank you!_

 _Gooooood evening Hawkeyes! The weather tonight looks to be pretty bad! Stay inside if you can and ride it out! Temperatures will be below freezing for the next 48 hours and our radar shows that we can expect about 18 inches of snow by dawn! Grab your coats kiddos, tomorrow proves to be perfect for Snowman making if you get a snow day! The first day of spring is getting closer! Hopefully we will have thawed out by then!_

Callie hummed along with the local news jingle and tapped her fingers against her steering wheel. She was excited to go home and veg. It had been a stressful weekend. Even though the Clinic was closed and it was technically her rotating weekend off, some idiot had tried to enter the very closed facility which - of course - set off the alarm that only Callie had the number to turn off. So, she was determined the make the most of her last day off solitude.

"íQue ching-" Callie's yelp was cut off by the sound of tires screeching along on the pavement. It It took a second to register that it was her vehicle making the noise. The driver across from her, a mom in a minivan attached to her cell phone, flipped her off as the too-large SUV continued to barrel through the stop sign. The icing on the rancid sundae was when all of the kids in the seats flipped her off in between the stickered windows. Callie made the sign of the cross and prayed for a miracle - especially for the caravan full of little monsters. Hopefully they grew up to have better driving skills than their mother.

Callie took a look around and saw the intersection was now empty, thankfully. With haste she sucked down some quick breaths and gripped her steering wheel tighter.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

After a few moments, the panic subsided and all the muscles in her tense body relaxed. It wasn't every day that poor drivers made her panic, but she'd been so distracted thinking about her upcoming move and her big surprise she was planning, that the noise of the near-wreck set her off. Her car accident was nearly a decade ago and by some miracle she and Sofia were alive. However, that medical miracle didn't eradicate flashbacks and her visceral fear of being a passenger in a car. In the early days Callie would tell herself that if Arizona could get on a plane after losing a limb, she could get in a car. But, alas, everyone is different and the human body is a fickle puzzle that no one puts together the same way. So, a few years and lots of tears later, Callie learned to just ride out the feelings.

A honk from behind her startled her out of her reverie. Callie took a few breathes and pulled through the intersection, her panic subsided once more. Small miracles are still miracles nonetheless and she chided herself for thinking otherwise.

* * *

Barely upright after a particularly slippery ice patch, Callie stumbled into her cabin. With deliberate movements and a few balance corrections she set down her tea, mail, phone, bag, and food down on the table. She shook the slush off of her boots and took a moment to just let all the feelings from today wash over her. The urge to call Arizona after her panic attack on the road was still there. But, she didn't want to rush things. Part of the reason their marriage failed in the first place was because she forced the conversation to only be about her experiences rarely took the time to talk about Arizona's trauma. Sure they could sent each other flirty texts and make out like teenagers in a bathroom, but could they really talk about their mutual problems yet?

The smell of her food wafted throughout the cabin and soon the smell of General Tso's chicken engulfed the small space with delicious, enticing scents. The crew at Ting's Red Lantern knew her order and always gave her an extra handful of the mints at the front counter she loved. She unpacked her food and sat back, propped up on her pillows. The mail was boring per usual, political mailers and some card dealership ads. The very last envelope, although very nondescript, was her golden ticket out of the depressing midwest. The manila envelope bore Grey-Sloan's emblem and was pretty hefty in weight. Callie took a moment to just let the nostalgia wash over her. Seeing her best friend and Sofia's father's name made her heart thump just a little harder. She did miss him, and she knew that if he knew that she'd flown the coop to Iowa of all places...well she'd probably never hear the end of it.

After a few moments of respectful silence, she opened it and scanned the contents of it. It was her onboarding paperwork for her transfer to Grey-Soan. Her start date wasn't for almost three weeks, and even then she had a 90 day grace period until the hospital would hire her full time.

Everything was set, these documents had already been filed electronically but Callie had requested a paper copy because time and time again electronics had failed her.

She continued to munch on her food and putz around on Netflix until she found something to play in the background. She half-rolled off the bed and stretched to reach the bag she'd gotten from Walgreens on her way home. She pulled out the batteries and giggled - maybe she'd send Arizona a photo of them. On a whim she snapped a photo and sent it to Arizona with no context.

When didn't hear back immediately, Callie set her phone down and settled into watch the movie she'd chosen.

Long after the credits had aired, Callie was asleep on her bed, styrofoam container still in her lap, when her phone vibrated against her. She awoke with a jerk and quickly righted the haphazard container while she scooted into a cross legged position. When she read the message she received, Callie laughed so hard the non-existent neighbors probably heard her. The residual tension from her earlier encounter melted away as she bathed in the happy feeling of a well-deserved belly laugh.

She'd gotten a photo of Arizona, in her silk nightie with a tub of ice cream pointing to her bedside table where a 20 back of AA batteries sat with a little bow on them. The caption is what made her keep laughing long into the night.

"I bought batteries too. A lot of them!"


	4. Chapter 4

_When I first started this story, it was more of a catharsis for things I was facing. I'm sorry I let it go for so long. I hope to wrap it up nicely next chapter. Thank you for sticking with me. :)_

The bleating of horns and pitter-patter of heavy raindrops formed some sort of inner-city symphony of traffic disasters. Why she'd decided to drive from Iowa to Seattle, Callie did not know. Perhaps it was her unquenchable thirst for being impulsive on a whim, perhaps she was just impatient.

It was probably the latter.

Callie wasn't someone who could just _wait_ for things to happen. If there was something she could do to expedite something - she did it without question. So, the idea of waiting at an airport smack-dab in the midwest for an eight hour flight while carrying 100 lbs of luggage, was not desirable.

So, she'd loaded up her vehicle at four o'clock in the morning, stopped by the nearest Starbucks, and set out on the 27 hour drive to Seattle. At least if she timed it right, she'd make it to her hotel just in time for continental breakfast - which was a plus in her book.

At first it had been pretty fun. Iowa was boring, as was South Dakota. It's like someone took the same chunk of land and copy+pasted it onto 18 hours of terrain. So, as a means of distraction, Callie had loaded up some podcasts and a few ebooks to play after her playlist was finished. It had almost seemed too easy. The first 18 hours had definitely not _flown_ by per se - but nothing important had happened, minus a lot of signs advertising a quilt museum.

But, as life and Callie's luck would have it, she'd missed an exit while yelling at her radio about politics and ended up in the heart of Boise. Not only was she unprepared on how to drive in the mountains with an automatic transmission, the blaring horns of semi trucks crawling past her was putting her on edge.

So, for everyone's safety (including the ignorant drivers on the road) Callie pulled over at a rest stop and took a few moments to clear her head. She really wanted to call Arizona but her ex-wife didn't think she was coming for a two more weeks. Besides, she needed a few days alone to acclimate to city life again. She'd been in a self-inflicted solitary confinement for so long, she had forgotten how to be a human.

"Talk of the Nation" ended on NPR so she calculated that by this point she'd been driving about twenty hours. Since she'd stopped too often, she would miss breakfast. Damnit. Well, at least she was close to three quarters of the way to Washington.

Her dashboard lit up and the familiar jingle played. Someone was calling. But, after her accident Callie refused to be distracted while driving so, she hit the answer button without looking. Who would be calling at in the wee hours of the morning? Maybe it was a drunk Karev. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Hello?"

"Callie. Hey, sorry for calling so late. Were you sleeping? It's like midnight there." Arizona's sleepy voice flowed from her car speakers.

Callie gulped, did she want to lie?

"Uh, yeah, it's late. Why are you up? Late surgery?" she chided herself on the evasion of truth. But, in her mind it was justifiable. She didn't want to spook or crowd Arizona.

"No, not really. I just..," Arizona trailed off and sighed. Callie waited patiently for her to finish her sentence (something she was trying to be better at). "I was lonely. I know it's dumb. But, Sof's with Zola and I'm alone in this house and my brain isn't being nice to me. Plus I can feel myself getting sick and I hate it."

Callie frowned and turned her car off. She grabbed her phone and got out of the car to stretch her legs. She leaned against the vehicle and tried not to grimace as the damp feeling spread against her denim from the night time dew.

"What's got ya down?"

Arizona exhaled loudly into the speaker.

"I - I have been going to therapy for a few months now and, well, it's really helping. But, I'm having a hard time verbalizing my feelings about everything that's happened to me these last few years. I feel like I remember skating circles in the break room on my first full day and then there's a huge blur of tragedy, loss, and heartbreak. Suddenly, I'm alone in a house with one leg, a daughter, a failed marriage, and a slew of unhealthy coping mechanisms following me everywhere I go." Her breath hitched as she spoke. "Plus a kid sneezed on me today, so I already know I'm gonna go down hard."

Callie's heart pounded in her ears; she knew that this conversation was long overdue. But, she'd hoped that it would happen much, much later. Preferably after some naked time while their brain chemicals were soaring. But, this seemed like an appropriate time. Why the hell not?

"I'm sorry. I know that it's much larger than it a simple apology will do." She tried to conjure the conversation she'd been practicing in the mirror for ages. "But, I've had time to think, really _think_ about my behaviors and how much I truly did not help you in the ways that I should." Callie's hands started to shake, so she opened her back door and slid inside to lay down. She put her phone on speakerphone and continued her apology.

"Arizona, I..I wasn't the support that you needed. I let my fear of your death manifest into anger instead of gratitude. I was too busy being upset that you had left me, than realizing that you were traumatized. I forced you to want to get better, when in fact I should have worked with you. I'm not saying you were an angel, but I was less than helpful. I forgot that you were my wife, and treated you like a patient. For that, I apologize."

She heard the muffled sounds of Arizona quietly crying and eventually let the tears roll down her face. This was it. They were talking like the adults they should have been all along. The cool leather of her seats made goosebumps rise on her skin, and for just a second she wished that she was back in her cabin.

"I love you." Arizona's watery admission eventually broke the silence. "I love you so much Calliope. I can't remember the last time I fought so hard, so goddamned hard, for something to work. I'm stubborn. I don't let people win against me. I'm resilient. So, when I couldn't fight back or tell life 'no', I lost it. I can't lose control - you know that. So, to have so much taken from me at once it…"

She trailed off and sucked in a breath. "It nearly killed me."

Callie took advantage of the silence to bring up a different point.

"I forgive you."

"For what? Losing a limb?"

"For Lauren."

Arizona gasped and Callie knew that she had been caught off guard.

"I understand it. I'm still very hurt by it, and I probably will be for a long time. But, I've come to understand that it actually had very little to do with me."

"I don't really have the words for it right now, Calliope. But, all I can tell you is that it was a terrible decision. I was backed into a corner and lashed out in the way I knew would hurt you as badly as possible. I'm not a cheater - I never have been. Yes, I've been a player of sorts. But, I take vows and loyalty very seriously. You know what I say about good men in storms. In my mind, you had already left the marriage. I was hurt. But I wasn't mad at you, Callie. I was mad at myself. I knew that my piss-poor attitude towards your desperate attempts to help me was just too much. I wanted to wallow in self pity so I hurt you, hoping you would leave. So, when you did I let myself feel even sorrier for myself. I was comfortable being miserable."

By this time Arizona was openly sobbing on the phone. Callie had scooted back into the front seat and started her car. She could feel herself starting to panic, so she tried to even her breathing before she tried to answer her.

"Arizona, it's okay," Callie started as she pulled out of the rest stop. "Well, it wasn't okay, but it is now. I see it for what it was. I will admit, I had fantasized about leaving you multiple times. I even thought about the people I'd like to pursue once I was single. But, it was never because I was attracted to them, or wanted to make a life with them. No, I picked them because I knew if you'd found out, you would have been hurt. You just actually took the plunge. We both fucked up. But, we forgot that once we had a child, our priorities should have shifted."

"We lost sight of the fact that Sofia got caught up in our problems and I hope and pray every night that she won't be affected by it. Kids are tough, I see it every day. But, it's hard to come back from that. We need to make this better." Arizona sounded adamant about her declaration.

"We really do. Sofia doesn't deserve that - no child should feel abandoned. I will make this better. Hey, it's late. Why don't you take a precautionary sick day and if Bailey says anything about it, have her call me. I won't let her bully you into working when you obviously shouldn't be. When is Sofia back?"

"She's with Meredith all weekend, I planned ahead. They've learned to trust me when I say I'll be sick."

"Good thinking babe, I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay. I'm glad we talked Callie. I really am. I know we have so much more to work through. But I want to let you know that I'm ready to do whatever it takes, _calmly_ , to get us back into the swing of things.

"I love you too. I'm in this for the long haul, Arizona."

She hummed a sleepy goodbye and ended the phone call. Callie took a few moments to process what had just happened. They'd started to heal, and it felt damned good.

As she coasted along the road, she counted the hours until she'd make it back to Seattle. Screw breakfast, all she wanted was to hold Arizona again and bury her face in her hair and cry out the last few years of heartbreak onto someone who understood her pain. Maybe she'd move into the guest room. The future could play out so many ways.

But at least there was a future, and it looked promising.


	5. Chapter 5

Somewhere along Interstate 90, Callie realized that she was pretty close to Seattle. Her nerves were already shot from navigating the icy roads and the goddamn construction that came with them. No only was she running on three hours of sleep but she'd forgotten just how busy the interstate was this early in the morning. The sun was just about to peek out over the horizon and already cars were passing her by with their middle fingers on display. A solid decade ago, Callie would have been flying along the road with them. But, after so many years in the ER and a significant crash herself, her tendency to speed had pretty much been reserved for Mario Kart.

So far she hadn't had any car problems, which was a blessing. Changing a tire on the side of the interstate while Arizona was sick miles away and basically calling for her was quite possibly the worst outcome imaginable. Nevermind the fact that trying to get any help on this road while it was snowy was damned near impossible. At least she didn't have a set time to be there. Technically no one knew she was coming.

She hated to admit it but the fact that Sofia was gone for the weekend made her a little less nervous. Callie wanted a few hours alone with Arizona to clear the air without a child there. She knew the moment that she saw Sofia she would lose it, and she preferred that to be after she lost it on Arizona. No matter what she'd end up a blubbering mess but one breakdown at a time.

So, in short, she was going to be a teary-eyed, snotty, raspy wreck for the foreseeable future. That future seemed better than the sad lump of human she'd become in Iowa. Hopefully she'd never have to go back to the small cabin ever again. She didn't even care that she would have to find another apartment with a month-to-month lease. Well, Seattle was full of yuppies so perhaps she could sublet somewhere.

Her heart told her to jump into bed with Arizona and never leave. However, rushing any of their healing process would do nothing but hinder them. Patience, albeit not her strong suit, was the answer in this situation.

Her dashboard rang again and she answered her phone quickly.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Alex!"

"The one and only. I heard you were comin' back!" Alex's voice made Callie smile, soon enough she could talk to him face-to-face.

"Yeah. In the next few weeks. Arizona and I-"

"Glad I got to hear it from Bokhee!" Alex sassed at her.

Callie grimaced at herself in her rearview mirror. Oops.

"It's okay. I'm just givin' ya shit. It's nice. I'm glad that I won't be the only outcast to come wandering back to the Hospital. Although, I think you've done it more than the rest of us."

"Oh shut up you goof. If you're nice I'll bring you donuts on my way back into town." Callie peeked behind her before changing lanes.

"I'm going to hold you to that. Do you know, is Dr. Giggles okay? I heard she called off today, which hasn't happened since.."

"She's fine," Callie supplied before they delved into too many details. "A kid sneezed on her yesterday."

"Oh God. Yeah. She's gonna be out for a while. Shit's crazy right now."

"I heard about the measles. Sounds fun. Glad I won't be at the hospital for it."

"Yeah it's no fun. Anyways, I just wanted to give you shit about forgetting your dear old best friend."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Callie laughed as she recognized her exit. "I'll make sure you include you in my next life crisis!"

"You'd better!" Alex laughed back.

When she ended the call, a flood of relief crashed over her. She didn't realize just how anxious she had been about meeting up with her old friends and coworkers. At least she had a small squad to come back to, even if half of that squad was technically her ex-spouse and child. Oh well.

According to her GPS she had about two hours until she was in Seattle and just a little bit past that until she got to her hotel.

She decided that she would drop into a grocery store and look for things to make for dinner. That is, if Arizona didn't decide to order pizza. Perhaps she should think this over. She weighed the pros and cons of it for the remaining few hours of her trip. Once she made in into the city, she pulled into the first safeway she found. Even if Arizona had decided to eat something else later in the day, Callie would be willing to bet that there were be minimal supplies for a cold. It was something about enduring pain to survive or whatever the Colonel had instilled in the Robbins children.

As she walked into the store, the smell of fresh bread made her sigh in delight. She shook out her legs a little bit and headed to the sample section. She was hungry and shopping while hungry was the worst. After grabbing a few skewers with various meats on them, Callie pulled her phone out and called Arizona. She hoped that the blonde had taken her advice and slept in but it was unlikely.

"Hmmnh?" a muffled voice answered the phone. "Callie?"

"Hey. Sorry that I woke you up. I just had a question about my arrival."

"Hnnh two weeks?"

Callie had to cover her mouth as she doubled over with laughter. Sleepy Arizona was too precious.

"Yes, yes. I start back the Hospital in two weeks. What should I make on my first night back?" Callie tried not to lie to Arizona, but it was getting more difficult.

Arizona was humming while she was thinking so Callie took off towards the medical supplies. She grabbed some tissues, a heating pad, and a bag of tea. After a minute of Arizona trying to decide, Callie realized that she had promptly fallen back asleep on the phone.

So, she made an executive decision to grab the stuff for chicken soup. Then, at least if Arizona decided to get something else, it could be frozen and reheated for a different day.

Callie checked out and set her bags in the car. She sat down and noticed that her hands were shaking quite a bit. Calling upon years of stressful situations, she took deep breaths and tried her best to think of all the great things that were about to happen.

After fixing her hair quite a few times and changing her GPS to the hotel, Callie set out on the final leg of her journey. This was it, the last chance to get her mind straight before plunging into one of the biggest decisions she could make. Doubts flitted through her mind and for a moment she nearly caved in. To combat them she conjured up the last few phone calls and texts that she and Arizona had shared. Lots of non-committal future planning and make-believe. It was all so...new. They'd never really gotten to be in that stage. One night they were kissing in the bathroom and the next Callie was grabbing Sof from Arizona in an emotional fury after their divorce.

She checked in with relative ease, and dropped her bags off in the hotel. It was strange to think that only a few years ago she was here after being kicked out the hospital basement. Granted she no longer wanted to get by on her parent's money, but after staying in the Archfield it would be tough to go back to a simple room.

Groceries and emotional baggage in tow, Callie set out to the final stretch of her journey. As she drove, the familiar buildings and houses felt like a welcoming committee of sorts. She had never really lived in this house. They had tried so many things to fix their marriage, including that month without speaking, which hadn't done much other than lead to some frantic makeup sex. Which was great at the time. But, in the long run hurt them more than helped.

After a couple of minutes she pulled up and parked on the street in front of the house. It was still cute - something to take pride in. The emotional attachment had never formed to that place like it had her apartment. But, she still got a sense of "coming home" nonetheless. It was a good place to raise a child, and she truly planned on doing just that.

Once she walked to the front door she paused. Did she knock? Did she just walk into the house? She technically still had a key. Did her number still work in the security system? Did she call? Part of her just wanted to waltz right in and start cooking. But, the other part of her didn't want to overstep. Although..Arizona did love to have uninterrupted sleep. And, to wake her up was a cardinal sin that even the most dire situations did not call for.

So, she took a leap of faith and after transferring the grocery bags onto one wrist, punched her numbers into the alarm.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she waited for the loud squeal to boom throughout the house. The bags clinked together as her hands began to shake. A green check mark appeared and all of the air in Callie's lungs depleted quickly. She fished for her key and let herself into the home. It looked pretty much the same, minus a few of the nicknacks that she'd taken when she'd left. She turned to the right and set her bags down on the counter. Then, her shoes came off followed by her coat. The sight alone of her coat hanging next to Arizona's helped calm her immensely.

She wanted to lament that it was like old times - but it wasn't. There was no slamming of cupboards or shaking of pill bottles. No one was crying, something very rare in the household. It was peaceful, soothing. She crept down the hallway and peeked into the main bedroom, there was an Arizona shaped lump and an Arizona shaped leg set against the mattress.

With cautious steps, Callie tiptoed back to the kitchen. She unboxed her groceries and gently tossed the containers in the recycle bin. It took a little bit of sleuthing but soon she found the big pan they'd used to peel potatoes and the frying pan. She cooked the chicken and got the stock ready. For the next couple of minutes her attention was focused on not burning anything or setting off a smoke alarm in a home that technically was not hers.

Finally all the veggies were mixed with the stock along with the seasoned chicken. The home began to take on the scent of the now simmering soup. It was early afternoon, so Callie assumed it would be ready by early dinnertime. She set an alarm on her phone to remind her to put the bread in the oven. But, other than that...she really had nothing else to do. Would it be rude to plop down and watch television? She could play candy crush, but if she did she'd never get the image of floating candies out of her head.

Showering was an option. She hadn't really bathed in a disturbing amount of time. Not that she didn't want to, but there was no way to during the long drive. Frozen hair was not something she wanted to have while leaving the hotel either. Plus, she hadn't really planned on jetting over so quickly.

She stayed there for a few minutes, weighing the pros and cons once again. Her clothes were clean, so she could just change back into them. Her hair would have to make due without her products. Tapping her hand against her phone, she tapped out a message to Arizona:

 _Hey I have a surprise for you! It might take a little bit to get to you, so stay patient. If you wake up before I'm able to deliver it to you...just hang tight. You'll know when it's there._

She double checked the burner and turned towards the bathroom. Hopefully using the guest shower wouldn't wake Arizona up. Also, Callie desperately hoped that she wasn't misreading the situation and digging herself into a deep hole after finally reconnecting with her ex-wife.

The shower was uneventful. She was too nervous to do anything than scrub and jump out in less than 10 minutes. The steamy room made her anxious, it was hard to see around the rom and the last thing she wanted to do was knock something over. After a quick towel dry, Callie redressed and tried to dry her hair the best that she could. Her feet were too damp for socks, so she stuffed them into her purse and padded into the kitchen. As great as this idea was, she really didn't plan for the down time while the soup was cooking. She made lazy circles in the pan, trying to pass the time.

But, Arizona had been sleeping for quite a while. Perhaps she could chance waking the blonde. No. She wanted to impress her with her newfound patience. One thing that had really been a trigger for Arizona was being rushed into things. Patience was not Callie's strong suit, so to practice it now was a good idea.

Eventually quiet tinkle rose from the bedroom followed by the sounds of sheets rustling. Callie froze while stirring the soup as the most adorable version of Arizona Robbins appeared from the bedroom. Clad in a very large crew neck sweater and basic grey sweatpants, Arizona stood in the kitchen with the most confused look on her face. Her poor hair was thrown into what probably used to be a bun, and there were creases on her face from whatever she'd fallen asleep on.

"Uh..what are? What is? What date? Why are you here?" She finally spat out while rubbing her eyes.

Callie giggled at just how hard Arizona had struggled with the question. The blonde looked at her phone and looked back up to Callie.

"Did you get my message?" Callie asked.

Arizona looked confused and opened her phone. After a couple of swipes and some jabbing at the screen, she read the message and looked back up at Callie. For a second, she assumed Arizona was about to sneeze, but as soon as Callie moved to bless her, a sob came from the blonde in front of her.

Before Callie could react, a Arizona made her way over to her and wrapped her in her arms. The feeling alone sent Callie to cloud nine. Perhaps, this is what heaven felt like. She returned the gesture, and nuzzled her cheek against the blonde hair under her chin. For a moment, she expected it to be familiar or at least similar to their past embraces.

However, it wasn't. There was no history, no _circumstances_ behind the embrace. No one had died, no one had been shot. There was no trauma. It was simply two people enjoying each other's presence - even if their relationship was up in the air. Small sniffles came from the small blonde and for a moment, Callie though she'd cry as well. Instead of a heavy chest and closed throat, what she found was a smile that wouldn't fade and a slight tremble of her lip.

They stayed like that, locked within each other, for a few moments. Eventually, Callie started to rock them back and forth. That, in turned into a sort of sway. It wasn't quite a dance, but it was something romantic just for them.

"I missed you so much. I- I'm so lonely," Arizona whispered into her hair. "And you brought me bread. Is that the surprise?"

Callie squeezed her tight in return and let go of her. They separated and just looked at each other until Callie couldn't handle it. The giggles bubbled up her esophagus and made their way to the surface.

"I'm sorry," She staggered in between laughs. "You just look so adorable and so sick. I'm sorry if I woke you. No, it wasn't the bread, it's me. I'm the surprise. But, bread is pretty great."

"No, you didn't. I set an alarm so I wouldn't sleep all day." Arizona sighed. "Plus I actually wanted to call you and ask where you were staying when you came back."

"My stuff's at the Archfield for now. I don't want to rush into anything." Callie offered.

"You don't want to rush anything?" Arizona spoke the words slowly. "Huh, I seem to recall someone being a hurry for literally everything."

Callie shrugged in return and blushed when Arizona winked at her. She smiled and looked to the ground so the blonde wouldn't see her huge smile.

"Calliope. I didn't want to rush anything either. Our boundaries are strange. We know so much about each other, but we're also kind of strangers. There's no procedure for things like this." Arizona motioned around hectically. "Stop hiding your smile, I kind of love it."

"Hey," Callie grabbed for the blonde's hands and brought them to their sides. Slowly she leaned down and placed a single kiss on lips she'd dreamt about for years. "We don't need a manual or user's guide. It's okay for us to fuck up. We aren't perfect; I think the years apart could actually benefit us. Perhaps this was how it was meant to be all along."

Arizona nodded and for a moment they just held each other's gazes. She broke away and looked curiously at the soup on the stove.

"You brought soup?

Callie burst into tears while laughing, " I snuck in to make you soup because you're sick!"

"Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry! Do you want me to go back in the bedroom and come back out?" Arizona moved away to go back to the room. "We can redo the surprise!"

"No!" Callie cried out, still laughing. "I think my nerves just finally settled. I wasn't sure if you'd hate me for sneaking in."

"Oh Calliope, you're so silly! If I didn't want you to be here early, why would I add your code to the alarm?" Arizona smiled devilishly at her.

"You did?"

"Yes, and I hoped that telling you the Sof was with Zola all weekend would convince you to come sooner."

Callie stood there, thoroughly surprised. She'd been bested at her own game.

She gulped, "All weekend?"

Arizona winked and grabbed for her, which made Callie's heart skip a beat.

"Come on, Torres. The soup's hot, the night's young, and you have a fancy hotel room to introduce me to."


End file.
